Monday, 18 July 2011

One Love

Posted on Canvas

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Homecoming

Posted by Anon



Not so much about losing someone you love, but about being reconnected with them.




I'm Sorry

Submitted by J


I'm sorry I'm not good enough
To be the perfect friend
I'm sorry that you are tough
But all you do is pretend
I'm sorry that you end the day
In a way that is so rough
And in the end you leave me standing,
Clear out in the dust.

But I don't care what you think of me
Or why you do what you do.
I do not care that you are so mean
And that all you do is for you.
And you do it all to an insufferable degree
but eventually you'll get your due.
And in the end, I will not plead,
because the pain is overdue.

I do not care what becomes of us
And you're the one to blame.
I'm through with all your bullshit too,
The lies, the deceit, the game.
It's funny how you think I'll be back,
But I've set it all aflame
So finally bid farewell to you;
I have finally overcame.

Toss a Coin

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Aftermath

Submitted by C




I was in rough shape before I met you. I was only in two relationships before and both of those girls broke up with me down the line. Only one of those relationships was serious too. I also got through several rejections, fucked up royally once with a girl I loved. My love life was in shambles and my heart had quite a few wounds on it before I got to you. You made me feel different. You had experienced the same pain, been through the same hell I had. I felt like this gave us a connection (along with the many things we had in common.) I could almost HEAR the chemistry between us working. The thing that sucked was that I learned you lived a few hours away from me in a neighboring city. A few weeks after we met, and a week after we started flirting heavily and confessing we both liked each other, we met in real life at a local mall. Being with you was incredible. Actually getting to hold you, be with you, talk face to face with you. It was great. This day, it was like you were healing my heart. You were cleaning and healing its wounds. You gave me this feeling I never got before. This love was different, I could tell. That's why I gave you my first kiss.








But no...things always end up changing. After about 2 months of being together, things changed. You changed your behavior, became suddenly cold and dead towards me. You told me you weren't feeling the same attraction towards me. I felt just as much love for you than I had the day we met, so I fought. I fought as much as I could to keep us together...but it was worthless...you ended it eventually anyway. You told me you weren't ready for love. You told me things may feel right to me, but not to her...and then you told me something that crushed my very soul.

"Don't ever call me your baby again."

I felt so much for you during those 2 months. I gave you more love during that short period than I did anyone my whole life. I told you so much, did so many things with you, talked about the future with you. I thought you were the One, but apparently, you thought different. I still love you, life doesn't feel the same when I can't be yours...it doesn't feel right. You're my everything, just thinking about you made me smile, and I could have seen us being together for years. After the break up, you seemed quick to go back to normal. No grieving, no sadness, nothing, you were just back to your happy, normal you...and here I was, wallowing in sadness. I was in this position before months ago, but this was different. Despite fighting to be happy and staying that way, soon enough, the sorrow just seeped back in. I've started cutting, trying to convince myself this is all one big nightmare and that I'll wake up...I thought we'd be together for a long time...I thought you were different...

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Prayer

Posted by Anonymous on 4chan




ever since about december, I really liked this one girl. she's sweet and, unlike most girls, has a sense of humor. around the end of the school year, I got the nerve to ask her to be my girlfriend. she replied with something that killed me, because we were pretty good friends. "you aren't a christian."
and that night, I prayed for the first time in 3 years...

The Mask

Posted by Anonymous on 4chan



I might be tired, i might be hungry, and that sucks, but when i feel physically ill because of someone i like, i fucking hate it. It's disgusting.

The feeling of your mind fighting your body is complete and utter bullshit. You feel torn apart on multiple levels, and what you once thought was the one and utter truth is suddenly looking like it could disappear. The steelwall that was your beliefs is corroding and evaporating in the fumes of doubt. When you can touch your face and feel the mask you are upholding because you do not dare show the little whiney bitch behind it. That mask can be any mask, a guy fawkes is normally preferred for many people, because it really hides the true self beneath a face with a massive smile and no fears. The worst part is that i realize i am wearing this mask, i realize i am attempting to desperately uphold some shitty fucking mask, because i am afraid people will not accept whatever is under it. I have tried dropping the mask, being myself, but it is not enough, it is not acceptable.


The worst part is, i have worn this mask successfully for a long time. I have been proven time and time again, that whatever the fucking mask told me, is real. I have believed that the mask was right, and actually become part with the mask.
Then why am i fucking doubting the mask now?!

"Love doesn't exist". Whenever i make a game some day, that's the cheatcode for god-mode. Cus the one who can uphold that belief for a lifetime is truely godlike. He is truely worth admiring.

I've been betrayed countless times by the fucking concept of "love" no matter how defined, I have never attempted to love people, it just happens, and every time it happens, it ends up as my mask says it does. It ends with catastrophe. It ends with hatred and shame. It never ends well because if it was well, then it wouldn't end. Which is why i wanna keep going in this limbo of love and friendship. I don't want it to go further, because if it does, it means the end draws near, and i don't want it to end.
It's painful, not because i can't live with this, but because i cannot stop it. I cannot stop it from developing, i cannot stop it from ending, i cannot stop myself from breaking whatever beliefs i had before, and i cannot stop myself from crying when it hurts the most.....
I cannot stop anything, and i feel so powerless when i sit here, alone on my room, and QQ out my soul on an online forum, with people i'm never gonna know, but for whom i don't need to carry a mask but still do.


I don't wanna be alone at times like these, i wanna have someone who can understand what is not said, who can read my fucking mind and understand what i am thinking, and understand the rupture that creates the mask that guides me...

I was on 4chan the other day, downloading shitloads of motivational pictures. They reminded me of the fact that i can do anything, and they reminded me of a say that goes along the lines of: "In the long run, we are all dead".
Every single post, every single word of wisdom, helps to split me as a person...
I don't wanna be split. I wanna be whole......